PDF Download Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt, by Peg Streep
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Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt, by Peg Streep
PDF Download Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt, by Peg Streep
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From the Back Cover
An exploration of the darker side of maternal behavior drawn from scientific research, psychology, and the real-life experiences of adult daughters, Mean Mothers sheds light on one of the last cultural taboos: what happens when a woman doesn't or can't love her daughter.Mean Mothers reveals the multigenerational thread that often runs through these stories—many unloving mothers are the daughters of unloving or hypercritical women—and explores what happens to a daughter's sense of self and to her relationships when her mother is emotionally absent or even cruel. But Mean Mothers is also a narrative of hope, recounting how daughters can get past the legacy of hurt to become whole within and to become loving mothers to the next generation of daughters. The personal stories of unloved daughters and sons and those of the author herself, are both unflinching and moving, and bring this most difficult of subjects to life.Mean Mothers isn't just a book for daughters who've had difficult or impossible relationships with their mothers. By exposing the myths of motherhood that prevent us from talking about the women for whom mothering a daughter is fraught with ambivalence, tension, or even jealousy, Mean Mothers also casts a different light on the extraordinary influence mothers have over their female children as well as the psychological complexity and emotional depth of the mother-daughter relationship.
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About the Author
Peg Streep is both the daughter of a mean mother and the devoted mother of an adult daughter. She is the author or coauthor of eleven books, including Quitting--Why We Fear It and Why We Shouldn't-- in Life, love, and work, Girl in the Mirror: Mothers and Daughters in the Years of Adolescence and the bestselling Necessary Journeys: Letting Ourselves Learn from Life, both with Dr. Nancy L. Snyderman. Streep holds degrees in English from the University of Pennsylvania and Columbia University. She is a blogger for  PsychologyToday.com and lives in New York City.
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Product details
Hardcover: 256 pages
Publisher: William Morrow; First Ed 1st Printing edition (October 13, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0061651362
ISBN-13: 978-0061651366
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.9 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.2 out of 5 stars
130 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#56,563 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I knew my mother's attention and affection always had a price attached and now I know it's ok to say I'm not willing to pay any more. I learned from my mother how not to mother and my daughter knows she is respected, has a voice of her own, and is loved beyond description. Thank you for saying out old what so many of us have silently and with great guilt felt for a lifetime.
This book provided insight into why I had the kind of relationship with my mother that I did. It helped me understand so much and see things very differently. I am much better for reading it and it will have a lasting impact on my life. A child shouldn't have to earn their mothers' love. A must read for anyone who has a distant or unloving mother.
You can't tell anyone you don't have a loving relationship with your mother. If you do people look at you as if you're the problem.Another book I recommend to clients.
Good validation that I was NOT TOTALLY to blame for my mother's actions towards me for 60+ years! Did I cry at her memorial service? No. I had cried so much over the years that I had no tears left for her. May she rest in some sort of peace. She didn't have very much here on earth and it wasn't my fault although she acted like it was my fault!. Thank you, Peg Streep!!
A wide audience can appreciate this book. It is not a manual on mothering, nor is it a replacement for therapy. It does concisely explain without casting too many stones; basic balm for ignored or unwanted daughters left to raise themselves in dysfunctional families that are more the norm than most societies are brave enough to admit. Female reproduction has been made so ubiquitous, even forced, that the world today has lost or doesn't fully appreciate the salient fact that every mother was first a daughter. Generations of mothering and how societies value women - or not - impacts how daughters are then valued and raised, which then affects how their offspring are raised - sons and daughters. And on it goes. I read this in conjunction with Dr. Susan Forward's "Mothers Who Can't Love". Both are good resources and can be useful companions to each other. Forward's is more clinical anecdotal and Streep's is broader, more sociological."Mean Mothers" touches on the maternal core, as well as the sequential circle of relationships knitted together within the family (though not necessarily in a knitted family; there is a difference) - the father, siblings and even grandparents. While "Mean Mothers" is less diagnostic, it might be more relatable on several layers to females who sustained childhood trauma and damaging messages of conditioning from more than just their mother: Rarely does that maternal influence occur in a vacuum or within just one generation. Particularly useful is that Streep delves into the marriage dynamics that often set up the treatment of girl children by the mother and father. Also addressed is birth order, temperament matching or "fit" between mothers and offspring, preferences for male offspring that deeply harm a daughter's sense of self, worth and place in the world. Also useful is that there are enough maternal and family configurations to help someone recognize the underlying family core of friends, mates and even co-workers. While Streep makes it clear mothering is a unique and profoundly challenging job, she also makes it clear the health and well-being of the now adult daughter is paramount. This simple concept might make it easier for those daughters who have quietly, bravely chosen to divorce their corrosive mother or toxic extended family that are locked in dysfunctional patterns.
In the Biblical narrative, the younger Joseph is thrown into a pit and sold off as a slave by his jealous, older brothers. Later, after having been miraculously raised to the upper echelon of the Egyptian government, Joseph again encounters his brothers but this time they are in dire need. The brothers are shocked when instead of receiving the wrath of an angry, hurt brother they instead receive forgiveness and kindness. Joseph tells them flat out in Genesis 50:20, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." In a similar way, Peg Streep has been raised from tragic circumstances as a child to write a life saving narrative for those willing to listen. I am confident women will find tremendous healing and encouragement from her courageously written "Mean Mothers." I am a husband and father and have received help and encouragement as well. Streep's highly personal and insightful "Mean Mothers" gives greater meaning to the words of 1 Timothy 2:15, "But women will be saved through the bearing of children — if..." Streep gives powerful testimony to the redemptive potential of mothering. I highly recommend this important, well written book.
I cannot put into words how much this book means to me. If you're considering it, just get it. It's on your mind because it peaked your interest, maybe you relate to the description, or maybe you're a psychology enthusiast. Whatever the case may be, this will never be poorly spent money.
In a number of recent books writers have written about the grief of a daughter losing a mother, but for those whose mother never really "mothered" them have suffered a different kind of grief their entire lives. If you feel wounded by your relationship with your mother, this is your book. It will help you gain insight into why she was unable to mother you in a way that would make you feel loved. It might help you grieve the loss of not having a close relationship with your mother. It is also an interesting book about how parenting is not all innate, but in many aspects, learned behavior. Interestingly, the dynamic here is between mother and daughter. But this is a good book for male or female parents to read, to understand some of the pitfalls of toxic parenting, and try to avoid them. It is unfortunate that our society still places all of the focus on mothers for the well-being of children. This book is about the many mothers out there who are woefully unprepared for this sole responsibility. So perhaps this book can serve as a cautionary tale, about why it's not a good idea to put all those eggs in one basket--and why it's important for fathers to be full equal parents in their children's lives.
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